A guy was going
on vacation and he didn't want his girl friend to have sex with any other guy
while he was gone so the guy want to a porn shop and said to the clerk, "I need
something to keep my girlfriend from having sex with another guy!"
So the clerk gets a box and said, "This is a Voodoo Dick. Here is a example of
how it works," and the clerk said, "Voodoo Dick, the door!" and the dick went
and fucked the door. Then the clerk said to get in the box say 'voodoo dick your
box.'"
So the guy brings it to his girlfriend and shows her how to use it but didn't
tell her how to make it stop. The next morning before she went to work she said,
"Voodoo Dick, my pussy!" and it was the best sex she ever had, but she didn't
know how to get it to stop.
So she went to work with it fucking her and while she was driving she had an orgasm
and a cop pulled her over and asked why she was swerving all over.
She said, "I have a Voodoo Dick in my pussy and the cop says,
"Voodoo Dick, my ass!"
*
* *
Two guys sneak into
a farmer's fruit garden and start eating the fruit. The farmer sees them and comes
out with a shotgun. "Since you guys like fruit so much go pick 100 of which ever
fruit you want," said the farmer.
The first guy decides to pick grapes. When he gets 100 he goes back to the farmer.
The farmer says,"now shove em' all up your ass." The guy gets all 100 up his ass.
He feels really bad, but then e starts to laugh.
"Why you laughing?" asked the farmer.
To which the man replied, "My friend is out picking watermelons!"
*
* *
There was once
an old man and a parrot living all alone together for like 40 years. One day,
the parrot came to the old man and said," you know, I've never had a woman in
my life."
So the old man, as a favour to his best friend, went to the pet store and talked
the owner into letting him use a female parrot for one night for the fee of 40
dollars. He took the female home, put it into the cage with his parrot, covered
the cage and went to bed.
He was awoken in the middle of the night to the female parrot screaming she was
being killed. He ran out and pulled the cover off the cage. There he saw his male
parrot ripping all the feathers off of the female.
"What are you doing?" the old man screamed.
The parrot replied, "Are you kidding, for 40 dollars, I at least want the bitch
naked!"
