A teenager comes
home from school and asks her mother "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies
come out of the same place where boys put their dicks?"
"Yes, dear" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and
she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.
"But then when I have a baby," responded the teenager "won't it knock my teeth
out?"
*
* *
A man and his wife
go to their honeymoon place for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected
on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband: "When you first
saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied: "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck
your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked: "What are you thinking now?"
He replied: "It looks like I did a pretty good job."
*
* *
A guy walks into
a bar, orders a drink and sits down. A couple of minutes later, the bartender
sees the guy talking to his hand. Not wanting any of his other customers to beat
this guy up, the bartender walks over and tells the guy to stop talking to his
hand.
"But I got a cell phone implanted in my hand, bartender!" Sure enough, the guy
has a phone implanted in his hand.
"Well, put it away before you get beaten up," says the bartender. This guy finishes
his drink and goes to the washroom. When he doesn't come out, the bartender gets
worried and goes looking for this guy.
He finds him in the washroom with a toilet paper roll shoved up his ass.
"I told you," says the bartender.
"Oh, I'm fine," says the guy, "just waiting for a fax!"
*
* *
One morning while
making breakfast, a man walks up to his wife and pinches her on her butt and says,
"You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle." While this was
on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence.
The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said, "You
know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra."
This was beyond a silence response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the
penis.
With a death grip in place she said, "You know if you firmed this up we could
get rid of your brother.
