One evening a husband
comes home to his apartment very roughed up. When his wife sees him she asks,
"What happened to you?"
"I got into a fight with the apartment manager."
"Whatever for?"
"He said he had slept with every woman in the complex except one!"
The woman replied, "I bet it's that snooty Mrs. Gellar on the third floor."
* * *
A Husband comes
home with a half gallon of Ice Cream. He asked his wife if she wants some. "How
hard is it?" she asked.
"About as hard as my dick," he replies.
To which the woman replied, "OK, then pour me some!"
*
* *
Two buddies were
sharing drinks while discussing their wives. "Do you and your wife ever do it
doggie style?" asked the one.
"Well, not exactly." his friend replied, "she's more into the trick dog aspect
of it."
"Oh, I see, kinky, huh?"
"Well, not exactly - I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead."
*
* *
Three Boy Scouts,
a lawyer, a priest, and a pilot are in a plane that is about to crash. The pilot
says "Well, we only have 3 parachutes, let's give them to the 3 Boy Scouts. They
are young and have their whole lives in front of them"
The lawyer says "Fuck the Boy Scouts!"
The priest says, "Do we have time?"
*
* *
Sue and Jane are
shopping together at the supermarket. When they get to the vegetables, Sue hefts
a good sized potato in each hand and says, "You know, Jane, these remind me of
John's balls."
Jane, impressed says, "Hmm, that big, huh?"
"No", Sue answers. "That dirty."
*
* *
A man and a woman
started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After 15 minutes of this,
the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight."
The woman says, "So do I. You've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
