A guy walks into
a bar carrying an 18" alligator. The bartender says, "What do think you're doing?
Get that goddamn thing out of here. I don't allow pets in my establishment".
The guy tries to explain. "Look he won't cause any trouble. He's well trained
and I'll prove it". He then proceeds to put the alligator on the bar and says,
"open".
The alligator open its mouth and you can see all of its razor sharp teeth. "Now
watch this", he says and proceeds to remove his penis through his zipper and lays
his balls gently onto the alligator's teeth. He then orders a beer and proceeds
to drink it. All the while the alligator keeps its mouth open and nothing happens.
After finishing the beer the man gently removes his penis and puts it back into
his pants. He then says, "close" and the alligator closes its mouth. "You see
he is perfectly trained. He would do that for anybody. Does anyone want to try?"
After looking around he finally here a drunk whose sitting at table say "Sure
I'd like to try. But I don't know if I can keep my mouth open that long."
*
* *
A blind man walks
into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to
the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read
the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from the previous customer, I'll smell it
and order from there."
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a
greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind
man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes that's what
I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes."
Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook
happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind
man eats his meal and leaves.
Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a
menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork." The owner again
retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.
After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I take the
Macaroni and cheese with broccoli. Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner
thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next
time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves.
He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming and runs
to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary rub this fork around your vagina before
I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back.
As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting. "Good
afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for
you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey I didn't
know that Mary worked here?"
